Growing Edges
alexa lopezArchive for June, 2009
Happier Times
It must have been a peculiar sight to the checker who remarked, “Wow, that’s a lot of sprinkles on that doughnut.” I wasn’t buying a dozen doughnuts for the family; I was buying a single, “real” doughnut for myself.
What came out of my mouth was, “It brings out the kid in me.”
The intersection down the street from where I live has three grocery stores; only one of them sells “real” doughnuts.
“Real” as in: just as good as one would find at a doughnut shop.
At the end of my morning walk I began to crave a “real” chocolate raised doughnut. I chose one that had red, white and blue sprinkles on it…so covered with sprinkles was this doughnut that I had to examine it closely to be certain it had chocolate frosting.
It did have a lot of sprinkles, and it did bring out the kid in me. And as I ate it, I felt like I was five years old again.
I was that five-year-old whose parents took her and her younger sister to Spudnuts doughnut shop in our hometown of Broomfield some mornings while her four older sisters were at school…
I was that five-year-old who loved going places with my mommy and daddy, no matter where that was.
I was that five-year-old whose parents were still together and seemed to enjoy one another’s company.
I imagine that good doughnuts take me to those precious few years when I was oblivious to any problems my parents had…before my eyes began to see things as they actually were…before I began to know more about the world than any young child should know.
© Alexa Lopez, 2009
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Instant Miscommunication
Would you agree that instant communication has resulted in more misunderstanding than real communication?
No? Well, hear me out here.
A conversation through email or text messaging is potentially not a private one: replies with BCCs and “forwards” are just one click away. These “conversations,” in the absence of face-to-face dialogue are fertile soil for conflict. It is for this very reason that I stopped emailing my parents and sisters years ago.
I have learned that no matter how well-intended the message, it can and (oftentimes will) be miscommunicated or misunderstood, even among friends. True communication is two-way. Email and text messaging, while instant in transmission, do not allow for the basic need for instant feedback in order to move forward.
How do I know if something I have said to someone has come across in a way I have not intended? How do I know whether I am not expressing myself in a way that the other person will catch my meaning? I watch the expression on their faces or for other cues.
How do I know whether my text message to you struck a negative chord with you because, without the benefit of voice inflection to clarify the message, it sounded harsh? How do I know whether my text message has wounded you?
Email and text messaging complicate matters in that respect. This instant communication has resulted in instant hurt that sometimes never finds its resolution.
So the instant communication we enjoy for the convenience is far less convenient that we realize. Conflicts that start with a (hopefully) well-intended sentiment sometimes backfire; if we are determined to get to the bottom of it, we spend more time than would have been necessary in the first place trying to clear the air. What is convenient about that?
Instant communication certainly fulfills a need for keeping in touch. But with regard to bringing up issues? Not so much.
© Alexa Lopez, 2009
