Let me tell you about my husband, Richard.
No greater man have I ever known. I still stand amazed that he even got involved with me, much less hung in there with me through our messy courtship and proposed marriage. He should have run the other way.
I’m so grateful he didn’t. My family probably wishes he had, but too bad for them.
Amazingly, while I’m the one with most of the emotional baggage, his family has fully accepted me as one of them. He has not enjoyed the same acceptance from my family.
It’s a sad story. I mean, it hurts for certain that their measure of success in life prevents them from being able to see the value of the man I married. We measure it by doing the best we can, not letting life’s economic downturns beat us down, and taking time to enjoy what really counts.
After 18 years, I’m not holding out hope for any change where their hearts are concerned. I know it sounds callous of me, but really, it’s time to move on. If his earning a graduate degree with a 4.0 GPA (yeah, I am proud of him…and he did it with FIVE kids at home — oh yeah!!!) didn’t sway their opinions, nothing will.
I brought baggage into our marriage that I still don’t know about. Some of it I still haven’t unpacked; I discover it along the way. And it’s painful for both of us. The baggage disturbs my peace and complicates even the simplest communication, until we trudge through the bogs of sludge and find one another’s hearts again.
Damn those triggers!
My triggers aren’t his to own. Nevertheless, this man has demonstrated true love for me, one who has always felt unloveable. Not an easy undertaking. He has patiently helped me become a woman who would rather resolve issues through communication than continue using the handy broom to sweep the issues under the carpet.
Sweeping is a temporary fix for a perpetual problem; it only gives the appearance of clean. Eventually, one has to face the pile that she has created and deal with all the dust bunnies and the discomfort of the sneezing when the dirt pile is inevitably disturbed. And what a lot of discomfort that is!
I am immeasurably proud to be partnered with Richard in marriage, in parenthood, in life. This man of integrity, gifted dad and Best Husband Ever is my hero.
And don’t you forget it. = b
© Alexa Lopez 2008
What an honoring, and beautiful post. It sounds like Richard, is also a very blessed man. I think it is awesome that you are committed to working on your own stuff, and what a gift to have someone to love you through it. I commend you both! Blessings. Huge ones.