Our neighbor’s dog had puppies awhile ago. That afternoon, my neighbor invited us to come see the 8 squirming, squeaking babies and their momma. While the dog was familiar with us, her body language (and her sudden, deliberate bump against my daughter’s nose when she got too close to the newborn pups) told me that protecting her puppies was her priority and that she would not allow any possibility of a threat to their safety. She wanted us to get away from her babies. I can relate to that.
We humans have suppressed what I believe is a God-given parental instinct to protect our children at all costs.
In our family, our boundaries for our children have undoubtedly been misinterpreted over the years. I imagine some would-be friendships have been squelched by our rules. I learned real quickly, though, that I must make no assumptions about another family’s protection of my children.
For instance, when my oldest daughter was in the 3rd grade, her friend’s family invited her to see “Monsters Inc.” at the movie theater on a Friday night. I learned the next morning that the girl’s parents had gone to see a movie in a different theater, leaving our 8-year-old daughters unattended. We had spent time with this family at other events, and the issue of supervision was one base I had not thought I needed to cover.
My mind reeled with this information. What if one or both of the girls had gone to use the restroom during the movie and not returned? What else could have happened to them there? Who would have noticed?
That same girl’s mother invited my daughter to come over after school and I said that would be okay. Then she assured me that the girls would not be alone since her teenage son would be there with them until she got home from work around 5:30 that evening.
I’m sorry…what???
A teenage boy in charge of my 8-year-old daughter for two hours? Absolutely not! I gently changed my answer to, “How about on a weekend, then, when you are home from work; or, your daughter can come to our house?”
Well, that “play date” never happened. In fact, our daughters never really hung out after that. The mother must have been offended by my boundaries.
I make no apologies.
I am learning, especially since becoming a parent, that second thoughts and gut feelings are more significant than most of us realize. Humans are so good at ignoring our instincts that we don’t appreciate doubts or second thoughts anymore. They are there, but too many of us don’t even notice them.
If the short term inconvenience of drawing and enforcing boundary lines yields a lifelong feeling of security and acceptance for our children, I’m in.
© Alexa Lopez 2007
