Growing Edges
alexa lopezArchive for September, 2007
Why, or What?
Kids ask so many questions.
Whoever thought a child could ask so many questions between home and the neighborhood grocery store?
Deep, meaningful questions.
I suspect the reason why so many parents tire of the questions (besides the obvious “needing to give the ears a break”) is most of the questions do not have simple answers. Or, the answers would be simple enough if we knew where to find them (thank you Google!)
Ten years after first becoming a parent I realized my favorite questions: the ones that do not begin with “Why.”
Why? Because trying to explain the “why” about anything to a child without getting too technical is the biggest of challenges that only frustrates the child in the end.
I like the “what” questions.
A few years ago my 3-year-old son always asked me, ”Mommy, what kinds of clouds are those?” as we drove down the road. I knew them all once upon a time, but I’d long since forgotten many of them. One day, though, he asked me his daily cloud question and I actually knew the answer! “Those are alto cumulus,” I answered proudly.
There was a time when my kids were all under 10 years old that they asked me more questions each day than they made statements. I told my then ten-year-old how flattered I was that she thought I would know so much about so many things. Although I sometimes needed to consult a search engine with her to find an answer, she was still convinced that her mom was a wealth of knowledge.
I told her there would be a time in the not-too-distant future when she would think I didn’t know anything. She didn’t believe me then. She absolutely believes it now.
I get to enjoy for a few more years the prestige of appearing to know a lot in my kids eyes; some of them are still young enough to ask me “what” questions and really want to know my answer.
I pray that I don’t take it personally when the winds change and my kids consider me an imbecile. 
© Alexa Lopez 2007
High School
Our oldest child started high school this year. I thought I would be really emotional about the whole high school thing, but I’m not (does that make me a bad mom?).
So, she’s playing for one of the high school volleyball teams, and I’ve driven her to the high school campus a few times each day the last three weeks for practice and have had to walk the halls to find one of the offices. I’ve decided that being on that campus is unexpectedly exciting!
The halls are filled with hundreds of students, from those beginning their high school journeys to those who are on the final stretch of theirs. In the commons area, greetings for each of the classes from freshmen to senior are written on the window glass in varying colors of poster paint. Group pictures of previous years’ student governments (they call it “ASB” here) adorn the wall above the ASB office door. Trophies and athletic awards sit proudly encased outside the gymnasium.
All this makes me want to go to high school again. I’m so perplexed: It’s the strangest feeling, wanting to do it again. Why would I of all people want to relive high school? Is it that high school represents a season of discovering one’s potential, of setting career goals and working toward them?
Simply put, I missed out on the potential part. I got the “get serious about academics” part right, but everything else, I missed. I was distracted.
High school was an incredibly lonely and dark four years for me. While I excelled academically, I fit in with no one, not even the brainiacs. I had my “class friends,” the ones I sat beside during individual classes and chatted with. We never talked outside the classroom, though, and when it was time to move on, that’s what we did. It seemed perfectly normal. And sad.
My big mistake was wasting time in relationships with boys, which wasn’t necessary during those years because I found my identity in being someone’s girl. It really was pathetic and did not help me toward any goals for my future.
Making some friends would have been a great idea.
Now those sad feelings are creeping up again. How do I deal with these feelings without negatively affecting the experiences my children may very much enjoy during these next few years?
I don’t exactly know. It certainly helps to know that it’s all survivable.
I encourage them to make the most of these years, with the big picture always in mind. This time in life will never be theirs again.
© Alexa Lopez 2007
